Running on an emotional tank

I don't know how much more of varying emotions my little heart and soul can take in a day. This morning started off with me completing my competency checklist as part of my confirmation. Ok, I have been with the hospital for close to 5 months (Yes! Only such a short time) but it feels like ages. As usual, I would get nervous as I am not used to having someone assess me during my counselling skills. I do bring the TP students around but I don't get assessed, so its different. So far, so good. The only component left unassessed is my presentation skills - it will happen on 24June when I give my first public talk! SCARY!!!

As the day progressed, I had a nagging feeling that I needed to make my feelings to him known. I have been thinking about our friendship for sometime now. I do not want to regret it when he leaves the hospital to return to his home country for good. I told him that I needed to talk to him in private. He said I sounded serious. Ok, I am talking about serious stuff here. We tucked ourselves into a conference room located at the end of the ward where we accidentally startled a cleaning aide. I reckon the cleaning aide sensed it and got himself out of the room the quickest time possible.

Me: I have been thinking about our friendship lately and whatever that I have to say to you is going to make me vulnerable.
He: Ok..
Me: I really treasure the friendship that we share and I hope I do not ruin it by what I am about to say. I am glad that we crossed paths. I know I may regret it if I do not let you know how I feel.
Pause. I was looking at him to see how he was taking it so far. He just smiled, encouraging me to go on.
Me: Anyway, I want you to know that I actually have a special feeling towards you. You know, like something more than friends? I know that you have a girlfriend waiting for you back home. However, I just think I should let you know how I feel. Do you know how I felt towards to prior to this conversation?
He(smiles and stares at me with his big eyes): Ok..Not really, until you told me how you felt.
At that instant, I felt like my heart sank but nevertheless..
Me: Ok, I have never done this before like letting my feelings be known/heard. You know, like first time?
He: There will always be first times.
Me: Anyway, I just ask that we continue to be friends? I hope you don't see/treat me differently.
He attempts to say something, hesitates for awhile, then stop.
Me(jumps down from the table): I'm glad you took time to listen.
As we walk out from the room and down the ward aisle, he asked me if any of my colleagues knew about it. I said, No. However, I was asked if we were both together to which I replied no. Then,
He: Some of my colleagues asked me too. I tell you tomorrow.
I smiled at him and told him I will see him tomorrow arvo in the wards since I have am clinic.

I must have left him feeling confused. Affairs of the heart is really so hard to comprehend. Sigh.