Love - a complicated emotion?!

On the night of 1st April, I muttered a prayer to my Lord, thanking him for seeing me through the day and for the little ripple-like effect that I have created with the people I came into contact with for the day. As I continued praying asking for directions in my life, I started crying (soft sobs). I quickly finished off the prayer with a quick AMEN and started thinking.

There have been times (many, in fact!) when I am lost and need directions in my life. This time, my love emotion is affected. As of my readers would have already guessed and confirmed, Yes! there is a guy whom I am interested in but I don't know if he is interested in me. I guess he does not really mind me since we have gone out for numerous dates already. A relationship has to start from somewhere and it usually start from a friendship - getting to know the other party, likes and dislikes, their thoughts about different issue(s), etc. There are times when I have tried to picture my future together with him. Each time I think about it, a small smile curls up on my face. However, that smile can sometimes be turned into a pout/frown. I don't know. When I think about his plus and minuses, I get all confused. I mean, I do not mind his company, however, there are times when I think he doesn't listen as much as he talks. I know it is not nice to want someone to be like yourself but shouldn't you let the other party talk to?

I still find him attractive and enjoy his company and bumping into him on the train or in the wards, brings a smile to my face. No longer do I feel a sense of awkwardness when I bump into him but I have this vibe that he still feels awkward when he bumps into me when I'm with my colleague(s). At the end of it, I sometimes wish I could ask him straight in the face, "Do you like me?" However, there will be repercussion(s) to this question which I am not prepared to face at this stage.

I have decided to leave everything (YES, literally EVERYTHING) into the Lord's hands and if it is His will for Benny and I to be together, praise the Lord. If it is not His will, I thank the Lord for allowing me to know another friend who can help me to grow stronger in my faith! Thank you to YOU for being a listening ear! You know who you are...

Ps: A nice teddy bear hug will be great! I need something to brighten my mood!